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How to survive Mercury retrograde

 

From October 20, 2013 until November 10, 2013, the planet Mercury will once again enter the retrograde mode. Here are a few tips on how you can survive this event.

 

First, you must immediately go to the store and stock up on non-perishable foods that also do not need cooking, such as Fritos, potato chips, pretzels, popcorn, tortilla chips, all kinds of chocolate candy, cookies, crackers, canned or bottled drinks, wine, beer, water—well, you get the idea. After all, electronic interferences could render your stove useless if you were to attempt to cook.

 

Next, buy lots of candles. Sure, battery operated lights are safer, but Mercury might screw with your battery power. Be sure to have plenty of old-fashioned matches on hand, too. Do not handle any sharp knives, or trip over any wires while you are in the dark.

 

Take a leave of absence from your job. You don’t want to risk having the car break down on your way to work. Plan on staying locked inside your house throughout the retrograde period. It might be a good idea to invite your doctor to stay with you. That way, if you need him, you will not have to venture outside to seek help.

 

Unplug all electronics, as Mercury is famous for wreaking havoc with all electronics. Yes, I know this is the hardest part, but you must protect all your helpless techy toys. Tell your friends you are going on vacation to a remote village where there will be no phone service, so they will not call you, and you will not be tempted to answer your phone.

 

Bring all pets inside with you. You do not want to run the risk of any of them being hit with a huge solar flare. Actually, purchase plenty of hay, as you should also bring in any cattle, horses, sheep or goats that you may have. The smell in such tight quarters will not be pleasant, but they will thank you later for keeping them safe.

 

If you follow these simple suggestions, you will weather the retrograde and emerge again into society unscathed by Mercury. Of course, you may get some very questionable looks from your friends when you tell them how you made it through, as they tell you their sad stories of crashed computers and more!

 

Joanne Matthew ©